woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?