I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city