I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
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It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.