I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
