he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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