that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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