I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
