i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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