i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
