The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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