im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found puke in my bra..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
