I'm jealous of your bromance
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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