Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
