Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
