just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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