On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
