Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
