I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
