And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
is that a dick in a sweater?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
