Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
