i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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