im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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