Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
