peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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