He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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