He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
