I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
