I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
