I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
