I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
