so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
