i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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