They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
