Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
