So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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