so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
