Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
