I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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