by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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