Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
