The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
