no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
