If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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