remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
try to milk me bitch
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize