I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
