the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
A bitchslap is in order.
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