So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
