You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Where is the hickey?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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