On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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