Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
