Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
