just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
