your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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