You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
