I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.