they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?