the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
