So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means