im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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