He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
