Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
