More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
