Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
