Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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