On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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