So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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