he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
