On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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