You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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