just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize