If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
