Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
