no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
