This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize