I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
